What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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