My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
