Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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