I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
