Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
