every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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