Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
