the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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