why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
