omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
