it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There are leaves in my underwear?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
