im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
