We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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