dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ugly people sure do ruin things
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
