found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
