She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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