Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
