i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
