I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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