Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My ass is underappreciated
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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