So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
