Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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