True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
