he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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