P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
