I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize