Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I could make wine with my vomit
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
