so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
