Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
