So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
