dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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