well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
