so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
