PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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