Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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