yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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