I didn't shave. On purpose
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
