i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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