i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
