Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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