so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
