so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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