If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
