i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
its not stalking. its research.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
