The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
