so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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