i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
