you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
