I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize