Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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