I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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