Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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