i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
