Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
