Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
