We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
