New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
