I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
