So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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