South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
