he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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