Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
