help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
