I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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