You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
