would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize